


Run no more

by mistressterably



Category: The Hour
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 14:43:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5052667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistressterably/pseuds/mistressterably
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU with Randall Brown working in a publishing company in the modern day.  He's sure that he'll never find someone to love him, not with his OCD and manic episodes. It's not always doom and gloom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Run no more

Randall sat at the bus terminal waiting as he always did for his connection to go home. Every day at the same time he caught the same bus home. Just the same as when he went to work in the morning. However, it was only on his way home that he would pull out his sketchbook and draw. 

He lived alone as a bachelor. He'd had girlfriends in the past but they never panned out. A few thought he was too old fashioned in his dress or manners. Most though got to know his private demons and ran from him. None tried to get to know him or why. They just ran fast and far. 

So he sketched strangers. Giving them a life of his own creation as images. Sometimes a voice. But that day at that time the bus was yet to arrive and he saw her across the platform. Her head bent over a novel as if lost in another universe. He was struck by the light shade of brown in her hair made in the glancing sunlight through the terminal skylight. His hand gripped the pencil and flew over the cream page. 

He imagined her as deep in thought. 

As he sketched he dreamed of an imaginary universe where he would be brave enough to approach her. Introduce himself. She would smile and accept his request for coffee. 

She got up and boarded her bus. Randall put away his sketchbook and with a sigh waited for his own bus. Alone still.

The following Friday, Randall saw her again. The same bench and waiting for the same bus. He was faster and more decisive with his pencil. She read a different book this time. By the time she stood to board her bus he had drawn her almost entirely. He smiled at his work and watched her bus depart.

Over that weekend he found himself looking at his sketches and smiling. Then he began to imagine her more intently and more intimately. When Thursday night arrived he lay in his bed alone in the dark and his thoughts were solely of her and the world he imagined included her with him. It had been some time since his last lover and now he was finding he was fully aroused and aching in a most pleasurable way. 

After he masturbated he felt ashamed at his lack of willpower. How could he have given in so easily and so physically to a dream. He gave in to the impulses that drove him. He arose from his bed and washed himself many times over. Then his bedding had to be changed. His pajamas too. Only then he satisfied that he was clean and could sleep. 

It did not end though. For a third Friday she was there and he sketched her. More details and heavier lines. Not just her face but her shoulders and her breasts. Oh her breasts! A soft shading at her cleavage made him blush furiously and he found his hands tremble. Bang! The sketchbook was falling from his hands and to the ground. As he bent to pick it up he did not see her look towards him and smile. Her bus arrived and she was gone once more.  
When he looked up he saw her bus pulling out of the bay and he grimaced slightly. He had meant to spend some time on her eyes but instead spent too much time on her breasts. He licked his lips and then his own bus was ready to depart and he was on it to go home. 

More nights, more dreams and more arousal. Randall hated it. It had been hard enough for him to establish relations in the past, to cope with the invasion of his private space and thoughts with another. Now this? This invasion of his imagination that left him a mess both physically and mentally. 

At the office, he spent his days as he always did. Reviewing the junior non-fiction editors work to approve them for publication. His manager, the editor-in-chief, called him in on Thursday. 

‘Randall, how are you doing?’ Steven sat behind his desk.

‘I’m fine, Steven. The junior editors are doing quite well of late. There’s one that I’m spending some extra time with as they’re a little slower than the others and falling behind on deadlines.’

‘I meant about YOU. Not your job.’ Steven rephrased his question. ‘You’ve been very distracted lately.’

Randall coughed delicately. ‘I’ve not missed any deadlines.’

‘No and you likely never will but I’ve worked with you for long enough to know when there’s something on your mind. Usually when you’ve had an issue with a woman.’

‘No, no, no woman this time.’ Randall declared. 

‘You sure about that?’ Steven picked up a page from his desk and handed it to him. ‘Sketching on your breaks is perfectly fine, Randall, however you need to make sure they don’t get lost amongst other documents.’

Randall went red to his ears at the sight of one of his sketches in his boss’s hands. He took it from Steven and tried to not look at it but glanced at it and realized it was one of her eyes. ‘I’m incredibly sorry, Steven.’

‘Nothing to be sorry of, Randall, you’re sketches are quite good and I would hate for you to lose one accidentally. What’s her name?’

‘No idea.’ Randall spoke quietly. ‘I sketch people I see on the bus and in parks.’

‘Shame, she looks quite lovely. Maybe you should introduce yourself to her.’ Steven suggested and then recognized the panicked look in Randall’s eyes that he’d seen before. The one of fear of letting someone in too close. He’d seen this in his friend before and he hoped Randall wouldn’t wind up in a nervous breakdown again. 

‘Perhaps,’ Randall said quietly and looked away from Steven to his sketch.

‘Well, I think you should. And you know if she says no I’m here to help you drown your sorrows.’ Steven offered. 

Randall looked at Steven and smiled briefly. He got up and left his boss’s office and retreated to his own desk. He would have to stop sketching at the office he realized. He couldn’t risk other’s finding out his embarrassing needs.

The next day, Randall arrived at the bus terminal for his trip home and searched for her. He was clutching his sketchbook and ready to draw her but he couldn’t see her around. He waited and he watched and she never appeared. When his bus arrived, he’d sketched nothing and his heart he found was heavy in his chest. 

His nights still left him aroused from thoughts of her but two more weeks passed with no sign of his dream lady at the terminal. Randall finally turned to sketching others at the terminal instead. 

One day at the office, Randall was making a rare trip down to the archives. As one of the editorial heads, he would normally request any hard-copies from the archives via an e-request however he wanted to get the volume he wanted right away and hoped he could sign it out for a few days. On his way down he chatted casually with some of the junior editors until they got off at the main floor and he went to the sub-basement. His long stride found him catching up to a young lady walking ahead of him. Her hands were full with an armload of volumes. He caught up to her just as she was pressing the button to open the door to the archives.

‘Here, let me help!’ Randall closed the gap but not fast enough to stop her load of books becoming unbalanced and sending a few of them toppling to the floor. He bent to pick them up despite her protests. Randall held onto the books he’d collected and was holding the door open before turning to her. ‘Here you go, miss.’ 

‘Oh, thank you, Mr. Brown.’ Her voice was young and vibrant. Turning to her finally, Randall felt his heart stop and his mouth go dry.

‘You.. you…’ He stumbled over his words for a moment before he recovered. ‘You take the bus.’

‘The bus?’ Her light brown hair wasn’t as shimmery in the flat white light of the office but her eyes were deeper than he had recalled. He had only ever seen them from a distance. ‘Oh, the bus! Yes, I was taking the bus for a few weeks. I had to spend a few weekends with family to help plan a wedding and attend.’

‘Oh, a wedding.’ Randall glanced at her fingers but saw no rings. 

‘My cousin’s wedding.’ She smiled at him. ‘Thank you for picking up the books for me.’ She made to take them from him but he didn’t let go yet.

‘You work here.’ Randall said. 

‘Yes, and so do you. I really have to return the books to the archives, Mr. Brown.’   
‘When?’ Randall could hardly think of a proper sentence.

‘I’ve been working here for 7 years now. Down here in the archives. You’ve been here much longer.’ 

‘Who?’ Randall just gazed at her.

‘Penelope Shaw. Everyone calls me Penny.’

‘Penny!’ Randall finally put the name to the face. ‘You manage the e-requests.’

‘I do. When I’m at my desk. Which you’re stopping me from getting to, Mr. Brown’ She told him again.

‘Please, call me Randall.’ He smiled at her. ‘I came to request a book actually.’ 

‘Send an e-request.’ Penny told him. 

‘I was hoping to get it today as I left. I’d like to read the volume over the weekend.’

‘I’m not supposed to release a hard copy from the archive without the e-request.’

‘Isn’t there a way to loan one out otherwise?’ Randall asked. ‘I can leave a deposit. Or my home number.’

‘Mr. Brown!’ Penny looked shocked at his last comment.

‘Sorry. Bad joke. I’ll .. send an e-request then. Maybe for next weekend then.’ Randall turned to leave, torn between finding the woman he’d been dreaming of and sketching worked in the same office and had no interest in him whatsoever.

‘I didn’t say I wouldn’t release the copy to you, Mr. Brown.’ Penny said. ‘Which book were you looking for?’

Randall turned back to her and muttered the title he had been looking for, Penny made a note of it and had him wait a few minutes. Returning a few moments later, she handed him a book. ‘I’ve noted it all down on my records manually. I’ll be on you on Monday if it’s not back down here by noon.’

‘Of course! Yes, Monday!’ Randall smiled at Penny with possibly too much glee but he turned quickly on his heel and headed back to his office. He passed by Steven on the way. 

‘Randall? You look like a cat who’s just caught a mouse.’ Steven smiled at his friend. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Her name is Penelope Shaw!’ Randall grinned at his friend and carried on to his office. Steven watched him and then laughed as he realized what Randall meant. Then Steven made the connection and only shook his head. Ships passing in the night, came to his mind.

Monday morning, Randall clutched the book he’d borrowed tight in his grip. As he hit the down button on the elevator, he smiled broadly and then he was at the door to the archives. Knocking lightly, he heard her voice through the door and opened it up. ‘Good morning, Penelope!’

‘Oh, hello Mr. Brown.’ Penny smiled up at him. ‘How are you this morning?’

‘Quite good, thanks.’ He stood there just gazing at her.

‘You’ve brought the book back. Thank you.’ She held out her hand for it but Randall just stood looking at her until she gestured for it again and then he handed it over. ‘Found what you were looking for with it?’ She asked as she began to alter the sign out log for the volume.

‘Yes. Yes, I did. Thanks.’ He still stood there in front of her desk.

‘If you have any other book requests from the archives you’ll have to do an e-request. I can’t always do a manual pull for you.’ Penny told him as she got up to replace the book on the shelves. 

‘Of course, yes. I’ll be sure to submit e-requests.’ Randall turned away and, with a last glance over his shoulder as she headed down an aisle of bookshelves, headed to his office. 

That night at home, Randall had a quiet dinner alone as was his usual routine. He tried to read but couldn’t keep his mind on it. Giving up he picked up his sketchbooks and flipped through them, letting his fingers trace the lines he’d drawn of her. Picking up his pencil, Randall sketched her again from memory. Her sitting at her desk, looking up at him. He couldn’t be certain how conscious he was of doing it but he was also sketching her cleavage again, as if he were peering down at it from above. What he did become very conscious of was his arousal. Aching and urgent, he threw his book and pencil down on the table and got to his feet. Throwing himself onto his couch, Randall rubbed at his eyes as if he was clearing away the sight of her in his head.   
Nothing he did could ease the growing pain in his groin until he released himself from his trousers and massaged himself. When the relief washed over him, the soiling of his trousers and shirt tails triggered his need to be clean again. Stripping himself naked, he thrust the dirty clothes into the washing machine and set it running before he turned on the cold water and had a shower. 

Only after he had scrubbed himself clean did he turn off the water and dry off. Wrapping a dry towel around his waist, his hair combed straight once more, Randall picked up his book from the kitchen table and crawled into bed. 

Days later, Randall found himself in his friend’s office again. Steven was handing him a coffee cup and sitting down beside him rather than behind his desk. ‘Randall, what’s going on? You’ve been up and down more than a yo-yo since Monday.’

‘I know, I’m trying to not let it affect my work, Steven.’

‘If it did affect your work I’d probably feel better about it, Randall. When you try to hide it that’s when I start to worry.’ Steven looked at Randall closely. ‘You were over the moon when you learned her name and now you’re doing your best to act as cold as the Arctic ice shelf. Why haven’t you asked her out for a coffee or a drink?’

‘She’s younger than me.’ Randall said. ‘Far too young.’

‘Ms. Shaw is 38 and you’re 51. That is not ‘far too young’.’

‘And she showed no interest at all when I dropped the book off to her.’

‘How is anyone going to show an ‘interest’ in you if all you’re doing is dropping a book off, Randall?’ Steven laughed softly. ‘Look, it’s Thursday. Why don’t you pop down to her office and see if she’ll have a drink with you tonight.’ Randall froze up. ‘Ah, old friend, the worst she’ll do is say no. And if she does, you know for sure and you move on.’

‘Except I’ll have to work in the same office still.’ Randall muttered darkly.

‘You daft bugger, you’ve been working in the same office for 7 years now without knowing each other existed.’

‘Yes but now I know she’s there and I know her name…’

‘And nothing will change if you don’t ask her out.’ Steven said. ‘Leave it as is and move on back to your sketches and dreams or take a chance, Randall, and find out if she is interested. As I said, the worst that will happen is she’ll decline and life goes on.’ Randall only nodded and Steven shook his head. He’d seen Randall this way before and he knew that his friend would do nothing to pursue Ms. Shaw, he was too afraid of the possibility of rejection.  
Steven was not surprised a week on that Randall had indeed done nothing about his crush on Ms. Shaw. He knew this because Randall had shut down and was just doing his job with little to no socializing. What did surprise him was his secretary mentioning to one of the other clerks in the cafe that Ms. Shaw was asking all sorts of questions about Randall. He thought about letting Randall know but let it be. His friend was an adult and he’d given him his two cents worth. Maybe this time Randall would find some peace.

Randall was absorbed in proofing a work that was scheduled for publication in the next week and he had half of it to go through yet. So absorbed that he didn’t hear the soft knock on his office door. Not until the knock became louder did he look up and tell whoever it was to come in. 

‘I’m not interrupting am I?’ Penny stood in the doorway.

Randall sat there, looking at her in disbelief. ‘I’ve not requested any archive material, Ms. Shaw. What can I do for you?’

‘Well, you never actually left me your home number so I had to come up to your office directly instead?’

‘Sorry?’ Randall was genuinely confused by her comment.

‘When you requested the book a few weeks ago. You offered to leave a deposit or your home number.’

‘Oh, that.’ Randal let his hands rest flat on the top of his desk in hopes of stopping any trembling being noticed. ‘It was a bad joke.’

‘That all?’ Penny looked at him. ‘I had hoped maybe it wasn’t.’

Randall blinked a few times, processing what she was saying. Steeling himself, Randall stood up and took a deep breath. ‘Ms. Shaw, would it be too forward of me to ask you out for a coffee after work?’

‘No, Mr. Brown, it would not. I would enjoy having a coffee with you.’

‘I’ll ah, meet you at your office at 5 pm then.’ 

‘Until then, Mr. Brown.’ Penny smiled and left his office. Randall stood there still in disbelief. He had actually asked her out for coffee. Was he mad?

At 4:59 pm Randall was entering the archives room and approaching Penny’s desk. ‘Ms. Shaw?’

‘You’re early.’ Penny said as she logged out of her system at 5 pm. ‘By one whole minute. You must have left your office early.’

‘Well, it wouldn’t do to be late for our first coffee.’ Randall smiled shyly and held out his arm. ‘Shall we? I was thinking of the coffee shop just around the corner. It’s always very quiet there this time of day.’

‘Sounds excellent, Mr. Brown.’ Penny said and rested her hand on his arm, letting him lead her through the office halls and down the street to the coffee shop. There he held her chair out and pushed it in for her before going to order their coffees. 

They sat and had coffee together, talking first about work and then a little about their likes and dislikes. Randall found his fingers itching to pull out his sketchbook and start to draw her but resisted it, not wanting to be rude. 

‘This has been a wonderful evening, Randall.’ Penny said, finishing her cup of coffee. ‘I’ll have to get going now.’

‘Ah, right.’ Randall stood, trying to not sound disappointed that she wanted to leave. As he helped her on with her coat, he tried to think of something to say to her, to ask her to go out again but he froze again. ‘I’ll see you at the office then?’

‘Well, we do both work there if on different floors.’ Penny said as he escorted her from the coffee shop. Leaving it at that, Randall was soon walking alone towards the bus terminal to head home. As he sat waiting for his bus, he pulled out his sketchbook and began to draw her once more. This time it was her lips on the rim of the coffee cup and her fingers holding it. 

Randall didn’t speak to Penny again for a week and even then it was her coming to his office that prompted their next date. This time, he was bold and asked her to dinner which she accepted. Once more, he helped her sit, pushing in her chair and poured her wine. 

‘So, Randall,’ Penny asked as they waited for dessert to arrive. ‘What do you do when you’re on your own?’

‘On my own?’ Randall furrowed his brow for a moment to think of what he would answer her. ‘Mostly read.’

‘What else?’ Penny asked, sensing there was something else going on with him.

‘I draw a bit, doodles, sketches. Nothing fantastic or great. Just to occupy myself.’ Randall downplayed his hobby. ‘What about you?’

‘Me? I’m a bit of a movie buff. Love to watch movies whenever I can either at the cinema or on television.’ Penny was leaning forward with her chin on her hands, gazing at him. ‘Has anyone ever told you that you’re a proper gentleman?’

‘Me? A gentleman? Most ladies call me old fashioned.’ Randall jabbed his fork into his small piece of cheesecake in reaction. ‘Ladies now prefer to do things on their own and don’t think I’m respecting them when I hold the door open for them.’

‘Well, I find it positively refreshing that you do.’ Penny smiled sweetly at him. ‘You should try and eat that poor cheesecake rather than killing it messily, Randall.’

Randall made a noise in the back of his throat and laid his fork down beside the plate. ‘Sorry. Guess I’m not really hungry for it.’

‘What are you hungry for, Randall?’ Penny took the leading comment on. 

‘What am I hungry for?’ Randall was genuinely caught off guard by her question. ‘I.. I don’t know.’

‘There has to be something.’ Penny prompted him. 

‘I suppose … ‘ Randall felt himself start to redden. ‘Perhaps to take you on a third date?’

‘I would love to go on another date with you, Randall.’

‘Even though I’m older than you?’

‘Because you are a gentleman.’ Penny told him. ‘I’m tired of rude men who just want to find their way into my apartment for a one night stand.’

‘Did someone?’ Randall asked without thinking. ‘Sorry, ignore that. That’s far too personal a question. I shouldn’t have asked it.’

‘No, Randall, it’s okay. I lead you into it.’ Penny reached over and laid her hand on his, feeling a slight tremble in his hand. ‘To answer your question, yes, there was a fellow some years ago that led me on and broke my heart.’ Penny smiled at him. ‘One of those situations where you think you’ve met the one you’re meant to be with and it turns very very sour.’

Randall, lost in thought a moment, turned his hand over to hold hers tight in his. ‘It’s not just men who play those games, Penny. So, I know what you mean.’ His fingers stroked her hand a moment before he continued. ‘I would like to take you on another date. Perhaps dinner again next week?’

‘I’d love that, Randall.’ Penny said.  
‘How goes the love life, Randall?’ Steven asked weeks later as they had lunch together. 

‘My love life?’ Randall was caught off guard. ‘You mean Penny?’

‘Of course I mean Penny!’ Steven chuckled. ‘Unless you have other women locked up in your bedroom for your amusement.’

Randall was about to say something when he realized that Steven was teasing him. ‘You’re bad, Steven.’

‘I know. It keeps you on your toes, Randall. Now, how’s it going with Penny? Seems like you’re going out regularly with her.’

‘We have coffee a couple of nights a week. Try to have dinner out Friday or Saturday nights. She wants to go to the movies this weekend. I haven’t been to a movie for a long time.’

‘Well, when you go just remember that it’s okay to share your popcorn and put an arm around her shoulders. Don’t grope for her breast.’

‘Steven!’ Randall blushed at the thought and Steven just laughed out loud. 

That Saturday evening, Randall found himself at Penny’s door and then escorting her to the waiting cab to the movies. She had picked a romantic movie and he bought the tickets, drinks and popcorn. It was rather crowded in the theatre so there wasn’t a good opportunity for him to actually put his arm around her. Instead, he held the popcorn on his lap for her to easily share. Halfway through the movie, he felt her lift the arm of the seat that separated them up out of the way and settled against him. Randall was then able to put his arm around her shoulders to hold her properly. The popcorn was left forgotten as her hands took hold of his left hand to just hold it close. For the moment, Randall let himself believe that maybe this time the woman he was interested in wouldn’t run away from him.

After the movie, Randall escorted Penny home and stood at her front door with her as she unlocked her door. ‘Randall.’ Penny turned to him, her door open behind her. ‘Would you like to come in?’

‘Oh, I couldn’t, Penny. It wouldn’t be appropriate.’ Randall held back. 

‘What would be appropriate then?’ Penny asked.

‘May I kiss you?’ Randall asked, once more he was feeling overwhelmed by her. 

‘Yes, you may.’ Penny said eagerly. Randall leaned forward to place a soft kiss on her cheek. As he drew back, it was Penny who held him there and kissed him on the lips. When she pulled back, he stood there, breathless for a long minute. 

‘Coffee on Tuesday?’ He asked, his heart racing. 

‘I’d love that, Randall.’ Penny rested her hand on his cheek for a moment. ‘Maybe we could have coffee here at my place? If that would be appropriate.’

‘Coffee? Here?’ Randall began to feel nervous. ‘I suppose that would be fine.’

‘Then next Tuesday, here at my place for coffee.’ Penny smiled and kissed him a last time on the cheek. 

Randall found his ongoing coffee and movie dates with Penny to be refreshing and comforting. She had asked on a few occasions about having dinner or coffee at his place but he had managed to defer her request for now. It was when he brought the ladies he was dating to his place that they got to know him and learned of his behavioural quirks. His need to have things in certain places and in order. Many of them left at the first sign of his need for organization, even to just the straightening of their shoes by the front door beside his own. 

Others could accept that but when they found his need for organization was in the bedroom as well then more of them would back away or run from him. There had been even fewer that made it to the bed with him but never afterwards. The only one who had ever stayed beyond the first was Lix and that was always going to be too raw a wound. So, when Penny asked to come to his home he put it off. He wanted to enjoy her companionship for as long as he could.

Steven commented on Randall’s happiness when they had their lunch together at work. Randall did admit to his friend that he feared the inevitable outcome of his relationship but he would manage it as long as he could before Penny did run away from him. Steven’s grip on his shoulder was comforting. When Penny did run away, Randall knew that Steven would be there to help him cope as he had in the past. Steven did hope though that Penny would be different. 

That Thursday, Randall stopped on his way to Penny’s place to pick up some dinner for them. Arriving at her place, he was greeted by her at the door, smiling and already changed into her after work clothes. He found it arousing to see her in a loose top and comfortable trousers. It was different from her usual attire at work that was more fitted. It also spoke of how comfortable she felt around him. 

‘Randall! You took your time.’ Penny was helping him with the food he had brought with him. 

‘Sorry, I had ordered ahead but they were late preparing it.’ Randall was taking off his jacket and hanging it neatly on a hanger. Penny had gotten used to his manner of taking off his shoes and lining them up side by side. 

She had placed the food in the kitchen and he followed behind to start setting the table. As he was straightening the cutlery beside her plate, Penny came up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist, surprising him. ‘Penny?’

‘Randall.’ Her head rested against his shoulder for a moment. ‘I’m looking forward to this evening. I hope you are as well.’

Randall smiled and turned towards her, his hand resting on her cheek. ‘I am, Penny. Spending the evening with you is always something I look forward to.’ 

‘I wish you’d change your mind and join me Friday evenings instead.’

‘Penny, I don’t want to bother you on your weekends. Bad enough we talk about work during our dates as it is.’

‘I wouldn’t find you to be a bother on the weekend, Randall. I think I’d rather like it more.’ Penny said. ‘I haven’t said this to a fellow for some time now, but I’d love it if you wanted to stay overnight.’

‘Penny,’ Randall felt his heart constrict in his chest. ‘I wouldn’t dream of doing that!’

‘Why not?’ Penny asked. ‘I’m inviting you to stay.’

‘We aren’t.. you and I..’ Randall stumbled over his thoughts.

‘What? Married? We don’t have to be married, Randall. We’re both adult enough to know if we want to be more intimate.’ Penny laid her hand on his. ‘I want to be intimate with you, Randall. Not just kissing you.’

‘Penny, I respect you and would never do anything that could be disrespectful towards you. I just don’t think it’s appropriate for me to invade the privacy of your home that way.’ Randall explained to her. 

‘Then let me spend Friday night at your place.’ Penny said. ‘Why don’t you invite me over?’

Randall swallowed hard, he’d hoped she wouldn’t ask that question but now she had. ‘Penny, it’s very complicated.’

‘How could it be complicated? Do you have a wife at home that you don’t want me to know about?’

‘No! Heavens no! Not that!’ Randall was genuinely shocked at the suggestion. ‘I would never dream of carrying on with two women at once.’

Penny laid her hands on his chest, wanting to calm him down a bit. ‘That’s one of the reasons why I’ve fallen in love with you, Randall. You are so much the gentleman and you treat me so very well. You’re entirely the opposite of the men I’ve had in the past.’

‘I am?’ 

‘You are. Too many men just want to get a woman in bed and have some fun for a little while but they don’t want anything more long term or more loving.’ Penny smiled sadly. ‘I’ve only known you a number of months now and you’re so very special to me already. Closest I’ve got to someone like you was partner 7 years ago.’

‘What happened?’ Randall asked. ‘If it’s not asking too personal a question.’

‘No, it’s alright, Randall. He started out to be such a sweetheart but as soon as he moved in with me he became not so nice. I dealt with it for a long time as he was so very good at making up afterwards but it got to be too much and too often when he was unpleasant.’

‘Was he violent towards you?’ Randall felt himself getting angry towards the man who would dare to hurt Penny, even if it was in the past. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as if protecting her.

‘He got to be. It’s what finally made me break up with him. He didn’t take it well.’

‘I wish I’d known you then. I would have done all I could to protect you, Penny.’

‘We can’t change the past, Randall. I made a mistake and I took steps to correct it. It was difficult and he didn’t take it well but he finally gave up trying to keep at it with me.’

‘You’re right, Penny. We can’t change the past. But I want the future to be right for you.’

‘You are already, Randall. You’re such a wonderful man.’ Penny beamed up at him. ‘I’ve not felt this safe with a man for a long time.’

Randall said nothing but dreaded how things would end between them once she did learn of his quirks. ‘In time, Penny, I’ll have you over. I’m just not ready for that step yet.’

 

‘When you are then Randall.’ Penny managed to not sigh but just hugged him tighter before they turned to the table to enjoy their dinner together. 

That Sunday evening, Randall was sitting up alone in his bed. He had tried to read a book but hadn’t been able to concentrate on it so he gave up and was chewing on his pencil with his sketchbook open to a blank page. He wanted to sketch her but found that even that was beyond him. It was her revelation about her past history that had disturbed him. She’d only intimated that her previous partner had harmed her physically and likely emotionally as well. It stirred in him the desire to be there to protect Penny from any further harm but he was also paralyzed when it came to inviting her into his personal and private world. 

So much of him wanted to hold the door to his apartment open to her, just as he wished to do with his heart, but the mere thought of how she would learn the true extent of his manic episodes and how it would drive her away kept her shut out. He toyed with the idea of getting some advice from Steven but decided against it. Steven would be bothered enough when everything blew up and he found himself crawling to his friend to help put his head on straight again. Closing his sketchbook, Randall turned off his light and tried to get some sleep. He hadn’t really resolved anything in his head but he could look forward to coffee with Penny on Tuesday after work.

Two weeks later, over coffee at the coffee shop, Penny made her stand. Randall sat beside her, holding her hand as he nursed his coffee. They’d been sitting together in a comfortable and easy silence when she shuffled right up against him, lifting his hand to her lips to kiss his fingers. ‘Friday night, I want to spend it with you Randall. I don’t care if it’s at my place or yours. But I want to wake up with you by my side. I won’t take any arguing this time.’

‘Penny?’ Randall nervously pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose needlessly. ‘I thought we’d talked about this before.’

‘We had. And you said it would be when you’re ready. Sitting here this evening, I know you are.’

‘What makes you say that?’ Randall asked, curious and reluctant at the same time.

‘I say it because this is the first time we’ve sat together and your heart isn’t beating fast.’ Penny squeezed his hand with hers. ‘You’re not nervous around me anymore in public.’

‘I’ve not been,’ Randall tried to deny it but her finger on his lips stopped him saying anything further. 

‘You’re also a very bad liar, Randall.’ Penny told him. ‘If you won’t invite me to your place then you’re spending the night with me at my place.’

‘Penny, I couldn’t.’  
‘Then give me a good reason why not.’ Penny demanded of him. Randall felt himself begin to panic. ‘Randall, talk to me properly. Don’t freeze up on me. Relax. I’m not going to get upset. I just want to understand.’

Randall took a deep breath first to try and halt his panic. Finally, he looked down at her. ‘You have noticed what I do with my shoes, haven’t you?’

‘Yes, you line them up and you’ve done the same to my shoes as well.’

‘I’ve been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, with perfectionist tendencies. Intimacy is a challenge.’

‘Oh?’ Penny asked more out of curiosity.

Randall felt his cheeks redden. ‘Intimacy is messy, untidy. I can be intimate but afterwards I need… ‘ He had to pause for a moment before he continued. ‘I need to tidy up. Outside of my home it will be a challenge. I’m not sure if I’d be able to stay the night and wake up with you.’

Penny squeezed his hand tight. ‘But it doesn’t stop you enjoying it, does it?’

‘No, I enjoy it. I’ve not had any past partner complain about the act itself. It’s just after.’

‘Is that why you don’t want me in your home? Because I’ll make it messy?’

‘No, not that.’ Randall said. ‘I’m not ready is all.’ He couldn’t admit it to her yet. Perhaps being intimate at her home first would be a better thing for him, he thought. Then it would be his leaving that would cause the break up, take the blame upon himself rather than thinking her to be the one to blame. He could try it. Then it would leave his home a sanctuary away from the pain instead of being the cause of it. ‘If you are willing, then I am. At your home.’

Penny held his cheek with her hand and kissed him. ‘This Friday then at my place. No backing out.’

‘No, no backing out.’ Randall agreed.

By the time Friday did come around, Randall had gone through a number of mood swings between aching desire for Penny to absolute dread as to what the outcome would be. Steven had noticed and sat Randall down in his office for lunch and a talk behind closed doors. ‘You are all over the place today, Randall. What’s up?’ Steven handed Randall a plate of the Chinese take away they’d ordered in for lunch.

‘It’s embarrassing, Steven.’ Randall said, trying to avoid the subject and stabbing at a piece of broccoli. 

‘It usually is when you act like this. Why do you think we’re having this lunch in my office instead of the lunchroom.’ Steven told his friend as he sat down to eat himself. ‘And as your friend, I’m making sure you’re not on the verge of losing it again.’

‘I’m hoping I don’t lose it.’ Randall admitted. 

‘Why do you think you might?’ Steven prompted.

‘Penny’s asked me to stay over at her place tonight.’

Steven nodded. ‘And you said yes?’

‘I did.’

‘And you’re expecting the same thing to happen as you’ve had in the past?’

‘Of course I am, Steven. You know what happens. You were there years ago when I got the call from Lix’s mother.’

‘That’s why I’m helping you now, Randall.’ Steven told his friend. ‘This is different though. You’ve been taking your time and getting to know Penny over the past months.’

‘She’s been asking me for some time to stay over the night or stay at my place. I have told her I’m OCD.’

‘Good, it won’t be a surprise then.’

‘Saying OCD is very different from seeing it. You know that, Steven.’

‘I do. I’m sure Penny does too. Any form of reaction you experience to it will be a surprise to her. You can’t panic over it. Give her the time to process it and understand it.’

‘I’ll probably leave right after. Keep it from her.’ Randall said. 

‘Don’t.’ Steven said to his friend. ‘Don’t hide it. Penny doesn’t deserve to be lied to nor to be ‘protected’ from who you are. Especially not if you love her.’ Randall went quiet. ‘You haven’t so much as said it but you are in love with her, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, I am.’ Randall admitted. ‘I’d rather keep what I have than risk losing her.’

‘I understand.’ Steven said. ‘But she wants more and I warrant that you do too.’

‘Of course I do. I just don’t want to lose her altogether.’

‘I’m going to say what I’ve said to you before, mate.’ Steven looked Randall square in the eyes. ‘If Penny loves you as much as you love her then no matter how your OCD manifests she’ll see past it and love you regardless and stand by you. And if she does run because of it then she didn’t love you the way you thought.’

‘I want her too.’ Randall whispered. 

Steven reached over and held his friend’s hand tight for a moment. ‘Randall, I know you do and that’s why I’m telling you to take the chance. You can’t just carry on with crumbs when the whole cake beckons you, not on the chance you may not like the taste.’

Randall smiled weakly at his friend’s metaphor. ‘Well, I’ll find out this evening I think.’

After work, Randall went home first before he was to go to Penny’s place. He wasn’t sure if he should pack an overnight bag or not. Erring on the side of caution, he did and packed his usual toiletries just in case they did become intimate. He didn’t really want to have to run home after if he could help it. As it was to spend the night, Randall decided to take a cab instead of the bus. Arriving at Penny’s, he knocked and she was positively beaming at the sight of him and the overnight bag he had with him. 

‘Oh, Randall! I am so glad you didn’t change your mind.’ She hugged him tightly before letting go of him to come in. ‘I’ve got some dinner on and thought we could watch a movie after.’

‘Sounds like a lovely evening.’ Randall kissed her on the cheek softly. ‘I’ve missed you since Tuesday. How we can work in the same building and not see each other is beyond me.’

‘Because we’re both busy and there’s six floors between our offices.’ Penny laughed and helped him out by taking his overnight bag from him. ‘Come on, dinner will get cold if you keep dragging your feet. I’ll go put this in my room.’ Penny disappeared down the hall towards her room. He had an insane thought of following her and taking her on the bed right away but instead just shook his head as if to clear the thought from it and made his way to the kitchen to await her. 

‘Smells good.’ He said aloud as she joined him. ‘You treat me too well I think, Penny.’

‘Just trying to fatten you up, Randall.’ She teased him by patting him on the stomach. ‘You’ll need your energy tonight if I have my way!’

‘Oh?’ Randall found himself smiling at her hinting. ‘Should I be worried?’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll take it easy on you at first. Don’t want to scare you away too soon!’ Penny grinned at him before turning to watch dinner before it burned. She didn’t see the look of fright on his face. He managed to recover himself and settle down to eat dinner with her. Offering to help clean up the dinner dishes, she consented to him washing up while she dried. Even doing a basic chore like that had Randall’s OCD showing up to have him place the dishes in a specific size order for her to dry. Penny watched him but didn’t say or do anything about it. For her, it was of little matter it seemed to him. He found himself wanting to take over drying to stack her dishes in the cupboards in order as well but when he went to get a dish towel he found his hand being slapped by her. ‘You’re washing, not drying. Hands off, mister.’ Penny brooked no argument from him. ‘I know what you’re itching to do, Randall.’

He looked at her over his glasses before he went back to scrubbing one of the pots she had used. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I can read it in your eyes now. You want to organize the dishes.’ Penny told him as she grabbed another plate to dry it off. ‘Your home you can do that. This is my home and my rules. My dishes are off limits. Got that?’

Randall stopped in mid-scrub and looked at her. He’d never been told anything like that before. ‘Sorry?’

‘Randall, I get it that you are OCD.’ She put down the drying towel and placed her hand on his arm to calm him down. ‘I’m not going to pretend to know what it does to you but I’m not going to let it run our relationship. I love you, Randall. The OCD is a part of you but it isn’t all of you.’

‘Penny,’ Randall felt his heart pound in his chest. This was it he thought, she’d run away now. ‘It may as well be.’

‘I know it isn’t, Randall. If it were you’d not have made it to my place at all and you’ve not gone around trying to straighten everything up.’ She took hold of him and turned him to face her, taking his face in her hands to kiss him for a long time. He gave in to her, kissing her in return until all thoughts by either of them of watching a movie were gone. Instead, he was being lead by Penny to her bedroom. Once there, he submitted to her. It was Penny who undressed him and pushed him onto the bed. Stripping herself, she was soon joining him. Only when she tried to straddle him did he stop her and took over again. Randall guided her onto her back and was above her. As he made love to her he was the most gentle and most considerate lover Penny could ever have imagined or hoped for. For Randall the sex was only about pleasing his partner. He never worried about his own needs only his partner’s and Penny was the recipient of his skills and she was soon lost in a mist of love and adoration and pleasure at his hands. 

Randall knew when Penny was ready for him and it was only then that he was atop her and entering her, making love to her until she cried out in orgasm. As he joined her in their shared ecstasy, he buried his face against her neck and groaning. Penny clung to him even as he tried to draw away from her, his need to clean himself up immediately after was overpowering him. She kept him close for a moment or two longer than he would normally have with a last long kiss before she let him go. 

Grabbing his overnight bag from beside the bed, he found himself in her bathroom. He was disoriented at first but was soon standing under the shower, the water as hot as he could stand to start the process of cleaning himself. Randall had no idea how long he stood under the water only that he had scrubbed himself a number of times over. 

A cold breeze on his backside spooked him at first but then his second shock came when Penny was stepping into the shower behind him. Her hands took the washcloth from him and she was soon taking over washing him all over. Under the running water, her lips found his as her hands scrubbed him clean. Instead of using the cloth on his privates, Randall found her using just her hand to lather the soap over him until he was completely aroused once more. Before he could do or say anything, she was pressing against him and he was once more entering her. Penny was dictating this time and had him pressed against the shower wall. 

Once more, she assisted him in his cleaning until he nodded to her and turned off the water. Penny helped him dry off and then herself before leading him back to the bed. Randall paused for a moment as he took in the fact that she had already changed the sheets. Without any further hesitation, he slid into bed at her side and they were both soon falling asleep. 

When he awoke in the morning with Penny curled up against him, Randall could only wonder to himself as to what had happened the night before. The last time he’d experienced anything like he had the night before was with his partner Lix decades ago. He felt his chest constrict for a moment but it passed when he felt Penny’s hand on his stomach. He had made it through the night. Maybe there was a chance that this time it would work for Penny and himself. 

Randall was amazed that even weeks after their first intimacy, Penny continued asking him over to her place to stay the night on the weekends. Penny understood his need to clean after their love-making session and was more than willing to help him with his cleaning ritual, turning it into a part of their love-making. 

The subject of her staying at his place came up once more. Randall had become comfortable enough with their relationship that he didn’t immediately fall asleep after anymore. So, as they lay there together in bed with Penny resting her head on his naked chest, she broached the subject again. ‘Randall, next weekend, could we stay at your place?’

He knew that she could sense his tension by how her hand started to stroke his skin to calm him back down. ‘Is it so important to you that we do?’

‘Yes, it is.’ Penny said. ‘We both know it is. If we’re to be any more than just once a week lovers.’

‘I would like that, Penny.’ Randall placed his hand over hers. ‘It wouldn’t be the same as here.’

‘Of course not. I wouldn’t expect it to be. It’s your home. Where you feel safest.’

‘You make me feel safe here, Penny.’ Randall told her quietly. 

‘But it’s not permanent.’ 

‘Penny?’

‘I don’t want to just settle for weekends with you, Randall. We can’t get there until we can do this at your place too.’ She sat up to face him directly. ‘Do you want more than just weekends?’

‘I do, Penny.’ Randall kissed her hand before pulling her close to kiss her properly. ‘This Saturday then. We’ll stay at my place.’

‘Friday?’

‘Friday?’ He repeated her question.

‘Why not Friday? Right after work. If you wait until Saturday you’re only going to think about it all day.’

‘How did you get to know me so well?’ Randall asked her with a serious note in his voice.

‘Because I cared to, Randall.’ Penny told him sincerely. ‘I wanted to get to know you this well because I love you.’

‘Friday night then. After work.’ Randall agreed. 

That Friday, Randall kept himself busy to avoid thinking of Penny coming over to his place. He’d had a few near panic attacks as he thought about her being in his home. Every other woman who he had invited over had always run from him. He had admitted to Steven during their lunch together earlier in the week that he still felt reluctant to ruin what he had built with Penny so far simply because she wanted to stay at his place instead of hers. But his friend had reminded him that it had been Penny pushing him on and each time it had succeeded. 

Now, the clock ticked to 4:55 pm and he left his office to be at her office for 5 pm. Many people in the office were now accustomed to his presence at the archives and with Penny in the cafe whenever they could have lunch at the same time. They were greeted by colleagues as they left for the day together. He had offered to pay for a cab to his place but she declined and they took the bus to his home. 

Randall unlocked his apartment door and held it for Penny to go in first. She picked up some mail that had been dropped through the mail slot and held onto it until she was in the kitchen, placing it on the table there. 

‘What do you think so far?’ Randall asked Penny as she got her first look at his apartment.

‘It’s certainly not seen the touch of a woman.’ Penny said with a smile. ‘But it’s very tidy.’

‘I do try.’ Randall smiled back at her, catching the slight tease in her voice. 

‘You read a lot?’ She said as she looked over the many bookshelves he had in his den. ‘No television?’

‘No, I prefer reading the newspapers. More insightful.’ Randall left her to explore his small apartment as he prepared the salad for their dinner. Cooking anything more would have put too much stress on him he had decided and was going with just a mixed salad with cold chicken strips. ‘I don’t really have a large table to eat at, Penny. We could sit in the den together if you prefer a bit more room.’

‘Your kitchen table will be fine. I don’t mind sitting close to you.’ Penny said. 

The salad didn’t take long to prepare and he set it on the table as he turned to fetch plates and forks. Only then did his eyes catch sight of the mail Penny had placed there. The envelopes hadn’t been put into size order so he picked them up to arrange them quickly. Flipping through them and arranging them his hands froze at the sight of one envelope. He always recognized Lix’s handwriting. Randall felt his heart tighten in his chest as he laid the rest of his mail in order on the table and gently opened the letter. 

Dearest Randall,  
I trust this letter finds you well. The time is quickly approaching when it will be the 25th anniversary of the loss of our child. I would like to get together and arrange a memorial service for her. I know that you’ve not wanted to be involved in any memorials in the past but I must ask before I proceed. Please let me know by return mail as I know you’ll not call me. If I do not hear from you by the end of June I will take that as a no and will proceed without you.  
Regards,  
Lix 

Randall stood there frozen in spot, the emotions that always lay buried deep in his soul from those many years ago were tearing open inside him in a very raw and painful way. Without a word he made his way to his den, the letter from Lix held gently in his fingers. Penny saw him walk past her into the den. ‘Randall?’ Her voice seemed loud in the deep silence that surrounded him. 

He stepped behind his desk, laying the letter down in the exact center. Unthinking, his hands began to move the various items on his desk to straighten them, then move them, then turn them about. Slowly at first but getting more frantic with each motion. Penny stood in the doorway, biting her lip as she watched the man she loved hit bottom and not knowing why. She made a motion to move to be by his side but he looked up at her. 

‘I’m sorry, Penny. I’m not ready. I thought I was.’ His attention was drawn from her to replace a number of his sketchbooks from one side of the desk to another. ‘I’m not. I can’t. Please. Leave. I’ll pay you back for the cab.’ He was fighting the deeply buried urges to lash out at the old pain that never left him. 

‘No, Randall. I won’t leave you. I love you.’ Penny ignored him and came to his side, wrapping her arms around him. He flinched and tried to push her away. ‘No, Randall. I’m not going to be one of those women who ran away from you because they didn’t care enough. I love you and I’m staying right here with you.’

‘You will. You’ll run. You’ll see me collapse and you’ll run.’ Randall’s voice cracked as he spoke. ‘I can’t hold it back.’ He pulled away from her roughly, not caring as the emotions washed over him. The pain of Lix loving him and then leaving him over the loss of their child. And the pain collected in him every time he thought he had found a new love only to see them run away from him at the first sight of his OCD.

‘I don’t want you to hold back, Randall. I want you to let it out.’ Penny was not letting him push her away. 

He tried again to push her away but she wouldn’t let him go. Randall couldn’t hold it back any longer and he lashed out. The small stack of his sketchbooks were the first casualty, flying off the corner of his desk into a heap against the wall. The pens he had laid out in a straight line, in colour order were scattered. A newspaper was torn open and then ripped apart, the pages fluttering back down onto the floor. Penny stood by his side, not stopping him but not letting her hand lift from his back. Finally, everything that had been on his desk was scattered or destroyed. All except the letter. He collapsed in his chair, sobbing into his arms. Penny was still there at his side, but now her arms were around him and her head pressed against his shoulder. 

It took time for him to finally regain his voice even if his body still trembled from the effort. ‘Go home, Penny. Leave me be.’

‘I told you Randall, I’m not going anywhere.’ Penny refused to let him push her away.

‘How can you even think of living with me?’ Randall asked her. ‘You’ve seen what can happen with me. It’s why I’m alone. Why I will always be alone.’

‘No, Randall. You’re wrong. I’ve been thinking of living with you after our first dinner together. I’ve not changed my mind. I’ve seen you as you really are, not just that public mask you wear.’ Penny was tidying his hair back into place. ‘And it makes me love you even more. I don’t want to be alone anymore now that I’ve found you and I think you’re done with being alone too.’

‘I can trigger like this at anytime, Penny. It’s not just my organizing or my wanting to be clean. I explode when things build up too much.’

Penny hugged him close. ‘And I’ll be there to help you pick yourself back up, Randall. Now, tell me how to help you right now.’

‘Sleep. I’m exhausted.’ Randall said, his muscles ached all over. 

‘Then we go to bed early. And in the morning, we’ll pick everything up.’

‘Penny,’ Randall’s hand shook as he touched her cheek. ‘I don’t want you to leave me. I love you.’

‘I love you as well, Randall. And I’m not going to leave you. Not ever.’ Penny helped him to his feet and down the hall to his bed. Getting him undressed and under the covers, she joined him as well and held him close. 

In the morning, Randall awoke with a start. He felt dirty and ashamed for what Penny had witnessed but when he moved in the bed he felt her arm still around him, still sleeping deeply. He moved carefully to get his sketchbook from his bedside table. In the dim light, he sketched her as she lay there. Under the sketch of her, he wrote the word Beloved under it and left it beside her.

Randall then went to the bathroom for a desperately needed shower. He scrubbed and scrubbed to get the sweat off himself from his episode. Penny arrived, half asleep but joining him in the shower. Under the running water, he turned to her and held her tight. ‘I love you, Penny. Please stay with me?’

‘I love you Randall. And I’ll stay by your side for as long as you’ll have me.’

‘Oh, beloved.’ Randall bent to kiss her. ‘I’m so glad to have found you.’ 

They spent their time in the shower, washing up until Randall felt himself clean enough. Randall stayed quiet and introspective as he made them a breakfast. It wasn’t until after they had had some coffee and woken up that Randall spoke. ‘I’m sorry about last night, Penny. It wasn’t quite the evening you had hoped for I’m sure.’

‘I wanted to spend the evening with you Randall and I did.’ Penny was taking his hand in hers to squeeze it. ‘What would you do now?’

‘Now?’ Randall asked.

‘After an episode like that? Is there anything you need to do afterwards?’ 

‘Just tidying up again.’ Randall said, embarrassed. 

‘I’d like to help.’

‘Best that you don’t.’ Randall told her. ‘I’m rather well.. OCD.. you know.’

‘Does that mean I can’t help pick things up for you? I imagine you’ll want to place them in their proper spots.’

‘Penny, it’s hard to explain.’ Randall began. ‘It’s a process I’m compelled to follow.’

‘Has anyone ever offered to help you before?’

‘No. Anyone else who’s ever witnessed an episode has left me. My partner.. ‘ Randall swallowed hard. ‘She would just leave me to it until one day it became too much for her and she left as well.’

‘Let me help you today then.’ Penny told him, her hand still hold his. Randall smiled and squeezed her hand back.

‘I think I’d like that, Penny.’ Randall agreed.

Once they’d got to cleaning up the den, Randall found it difficult at first to let her handle the books and pens. When she placed them on the desk it would be in the wrong spots and in the wrong order which would trigger the start of panic. As they worked together, she learned it easier to collect things up and then hand them to him rather than lay them on the desk. That way he could place them where he wanted them to be. The result was that the den was cleaned up in quick order and the shredded newspapers all disposed of.

‘When would you like me to escort you home, Penny?’ Randall asked as they finished up a light lunch in his kitchen. 

‘Randall, do you want me to leave?’

‘Penny, I’d like to think you’d want to stay over tonight as well.’ Randall turned shy again. 

‘I’d love nothing more than to stay tonight as well.’ Penny said and her smile was as wide as Randall’s. 

Together, they spent the afternoon out walking as Randall gave her a bit of a tour of the area around his home. He brought one of his sketchbooks with him and he was happy to show her how he sketched people as they sat on a bench in his favourite park. Penny asked him to do a sketch of her so he did, sketching her as she sat on the bench at his side and catching the smile on her face. Presenting it to her afterwards, Penny placed her arm around his and kissing him on the cheek. 

‘You’ve never thought of sketching as a profession?’ Penny asked him seriously.

‘No, it would take the pleasure out of it. I sketch because I want to. One of my therapists when I was much younger encouraged me to continue as a way of taking control of my environment. My sketching can lock things into place in a way I want them to be. It helped when I was younger to stop stressing over things out of my control. I just kept on afterwards because I like to do it.’

‘I love your work.’ Penny told him. ‘Would you let me see your other sketchbooks one day?’

‘If you want to. They’re not the best.’

‘Well, you’ve done a wonderful job on the ones today and the one you left on the bed for me when I woke up.’

Randall felt his heart swell in his chest. ‘I love you, Penny.’ His large hand wrapped around hers. They ignored the giggles of some nearby children as they kissed in public. 

After a pleasant dinner out at a nearby restaurant, Randall and Penny returned to his place. Without a television to sit and watch a movie together, Penny asked him to show her some of his sketches. Agreeing, he began with some of his more recent sketchbooks and telling her stories that he recalled as he had drawn them. 

As the evening drew to a close, Randall and Penny had fallen to long kisses and soft caresses. They moved to the bedroom, and without any incident to provoke an episode, Randall made love to Penny a number of times. Surprising himself, he found he didn’t have the same urgent need to wash up afterwards and just settled with Penny under the covers to fall asleep. 

Sunday morning, Randall awoke alone in his bed but there was an unfamiliarity that he sensed. The bedding felt dirty, he thought, and there was her scent lingering. He turned over in the bed towards the side she had lain on and found it empty. He laid his hand on her side and found it cold. He felt the familiar tightening in his chest that happened when he was left in the lurch by a woman. Randall had truly thought Penny would be different but he’d been wrong. She was gone. He grabbed the pillow she had lain on and clutched it in his arms, the tears beginning to form at the loss of what he had thought would have been a long term relationship. 

Randall kicked himself for being a fool. No, she hadn’t run away immediately but she’d probably had time to think about how it would be living with him and decided she’d been hasty in her profession of love for him. He didn’t blame her, Randall thought to himself as he rocked back and forth in the bed, he couldn’t. He knew he would always be a challenge to live with. Wiping his eyes, Randall just held onto the pillow to breathe in her scent. He didn’t regret inviting her over. If it hadn’t been for that letter from Lix, things would have gone differently. Burying his face in her pillow, Randall sat and cried. 

Lost in his grief, Randall didn’t hear the door of his apartment open or Penny’s footsteps in the hall. It wasn’t until she was sitting on the bed at his side and placing a hand on his bare back that he came to with a start. ‘Randall? What’s wrong, sweetheart?’

‘You.. you’re here?’

‘Of course I’m here. I just had to pop down to the shop to get some fresh milk for breakfast. The bottle in your fridge had gone off. Wanted to make you a good cup of tea with breakfast.’

‘I thought you’d left me.’ Randall laid his hands on her cheek. 

‘Oh, Randall, no!’ Penny was upset with herself at having caused him distress, pulling him in to her arms to hug him hard as he tried to compose himself. ‘I’m so very sorry. I thought it would be a nice little surprise for you. Surprises aren’t good for you?’

‘No, not really. Sorry. I thought you’d run like everyone else has in the past.’

Penny made him look directly at her, her eyes gazing into his with nothing but love. ‘Randall, I love you with all my heart. I want to learn more about what you have to live with and share that with you. The only running I’ll be doing is into your arms, never away.’


End file.
